i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
