I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
