UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
