im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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