also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
