he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
