Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
