I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We need to rekindle our bromance
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
