Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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