I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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