$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
