omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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