he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
