That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
