we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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