Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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