why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
