remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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