what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize