Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
