Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
