no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
