Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
