I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
