What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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