It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
