Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I intend to get homeless drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
