umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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