just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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