I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
