Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
