2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
