I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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