Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
