I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
