either way he was missing a nipple.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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