Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
