apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
