you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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