Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Text me some of your sweat
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