just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
