Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
420 ftw
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
