I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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