Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
