The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
