I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
