When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
