yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
