East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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