Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
