Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
