I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
