Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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