oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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