sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
