Apparently you make a good broom.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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