He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
