found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
