dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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