The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
