I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
