I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
birth control should be required to get into college
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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