I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
