**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
