That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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