I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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