Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize