1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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