whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
