so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize