oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
