I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
