He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
