sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
