If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
