By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
