You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
