I think I won the penis lottery.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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