Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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