laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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