Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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