Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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