In the future we'll all be gay
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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