It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
