You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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