So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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