Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
