using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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