So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
