i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
