I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
