Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
