I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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