Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
