the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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