we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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