I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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