Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize