First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
