shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
