once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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