just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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