I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
