i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
