**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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